Anchor Your Mind With the Breath

In meditation, you are instructed to watch the breath. Put simply, this means to observe and stay with the sensations of each breath. The focus can be at the tips of the nostrils, or on the rising and falling of the belly, whichever is easiest for you to focus on. The breath becomes the anchor into the present moment; an anchor that protects you from being swept away by the fierce ocean of wandering thoughts. Normally, wandering thoughts push and pull you all over the place. For example, you remember  hurtful words someone once said to you, and immediately your lost in a storm of rage. Or you reminisce about a time when things may have been better, and you begin drowning in sadness and yearning. During meditation though, you are able to see a wandering thought and let it go, returning back to the anchor - coming back to the breath. Without the anchor you would be endlessly sailing amidst wandering thoughts of an untamed mind. The breath allows you to see the mind when it moves, giving you the freedom to follow the thought, or simply let it go and come back to watching the breath. With practice, you get to know your mind and learn which thoughts to follow and which to let go. If you can stay with the anchor all day, you will be seeing every movement of the mind clearly and can use your own discernment to act skillfully in each moment, rather than habitually. So throw your anchor overboard and practice staying with the breath, both on the cushion in meditation, and more importantly, off the cushion in daily life. Wake up and free yourself from unnecessary suffering. Stay awake!

Every Moment is a New Moment

In seated meditation, you continuously try to focus your attention on the movement of the breath. Of course, this focus is broken quite often by the onslaught of wandering thoughts your mind produces. Gently and patiently, you keep letting the thoughts go, returning to the sensations of breathing. If done correctly, you notice a thought has arisen, and you simply refocus your attention back to the breath to start fresh - a new moment to start over. Unfortunately, many people berate themselves for their inability to keep their mind still, not realizing they can just simply start over. Actually, the moment you start getting upset about your mind moving, you are moving your mind more. This is like trying to stop waves in a lake by hitting the surface of the water with a big stick. You are only creating more waves! Your mind is made to think. You will have many thoughts all the time. The point is not to stop the mind, but to learn to notice when it has taken you away from the breath, and bring it back over and over again. Every time you come back you have another chance to stay with the breath. At times, the mind may temporarily stop, while other times it may be jumping here and there non-stop. Regardless of what is happening, as soon as you notice you've lost the breath, you are able start over - no big deal.

As you continue with your meditation practice, you will find every moment is a new moment. This is great news because it means you can always start over. If every moment is a new moment, then this means every moment you are also new. This can be useful to understand, especially if you have said or done something that has hurt others or yourself (as we all do sometime or another). Rather than beating yourself up over something you have done, you can simply acknowledge what you did, forgive yourself, and start fresh. You can then commit to trying your best not to repeat the actions or words that brought about the harm. You are no longer the person who did this harmful thing. Your state of mind is different and you are new. Holding on to something you have done prevents you from living in THIS moment, and also prevents you from acting kindly and compassionately to both yourself and others. So be fresh, start over right now, whatever you have done is over with (even if it was only five minutes ago!). Commit to trying your best to bring the least amount of harm to yourself and others, and if you mess it up? Good news, you have another chance to start again. Every moment is a new moment!

The Three A's - Awareness, Acceptance, & Allowance

In meditation there are three main aspects being cultivated. These are what I call the three A's - awareness, acceptance, and allowance. Awareness is our natural ability to simply know what is happening in the moment. With awareness, we can dive into the present moment and experience what our lives are like right now; from sensations and emotions to thoughts and sounds, nothing is left out of awareness. Acceptance is the next A, and is crucial to any form of inner work. Acceptance allows you to face each moment, whether pleasant, painful, or neutral, without resistance. By accepting things as they arise in the moment you are creating a peaceful mind; a mind free of grasping for things to go your way all the time, and also free from aversion caused by resisting things you dislike. Naturally acceptance leads to the final A, allowing, aka letting go. By allowing whatever arises to be there, you are able to simply let it go - allowing it to be what it is, nothing more, nothing less. Whatever is present will arise and cease all on it's own. When you allow whatever has arisen in your awareness without judgment or labels, it's nothing more than a passing experience that neither needs to be suppressed nor acted on. As your practice deepens, the three A's will slowly become part of your everyday life, and rather than living habitually, you will learn to act out of an awakened mind - a mind that's aware, accepting, and allowing. Trust me when I say, it's a much more peaceful way to live. What are you waiting for...WAKE UP ALREADY!

Learning to Open

I have been reading, How to be an Adult in Relationships, and came across a line that captures the essence of my book: "Practice does not mean forcing yourself to improve but trusting your potential to open." Finding peace in your life doesn't come about by improving yourself but rather continuously opening to the present moment. Learning to rest in your ability to be the observer, or as meditation master Ajahn Chah would say "the one who knows," connects you with a peace beyond good/bad, right/wrong, pleasure/pain, and so forth. Being the observer, your thoughts, emotions, and body sensations no longer become "I" as the subject, but rather become an object within the vast spaciousness of awareness. As you learn to trust and rest more and more in this spacious awareness, the suffering in your life becomes more workable and less sticky. You become the spider, graciously walking across her sticky web, rather than the fly trapped and caught, waiting to be devoured. So how do you learn to open to your life? Simple! Take a few moments each day to fully experience whatever you are experiencing. Feel body sensations, observe your thoughts and feelings, notice the sounds around you. Do this in a way that excludes labeling and judging. Try to be with "the things themselves," rather than your ideas about them. You can also try to open by fully listening to others. When someone is talking to you, give them your full attention. Don't worry about what you are going to say back, or get caught in your ideas about the person, but really listen to what they are saying. Try this with one person today. Watch their facial expressions, see what mood they are in, really try to understand the message they are conveying to you. Not many people know how to truly listen, so you may be surprised what happens when you listen deeply to someone. Lastly, if you feel ready you can try and open to a difficult situation in your life - whether it be anxiety, physical pain, a person in your life, etc. Instead of reacting habitually to this difficult thing in your life, give it some space and really observe it. If it's an emotion or feeling, really explore it with your awareness; not trying to get rid of it, but connecting with the quality of it. See if you can label any thoughts or judgements about it as "thinking" and keep reconnecting with the actual energy, as it's felt in the body. If it get gets intense, take your hand to your heart and say, "It's really difficult to experience this suffering. May all people who experience this be free from it." Most importantly with all of these practices, don't have any expectations. Sometimes your bad feelings will vanish instantly, other times they will get more intense or stay the same. Do it to practice opening up to the moment, not to get rid of anything or see results. I wish you all well on your practice. I am always open to helping so feel free to post comments or email me at beyourshittyself@yahoo.com. I'd love to hear from you!

Raking the Leaves of Our Lives

Today my mother asked me to help her rake the leaves in my grandparents' yard. I happily agreed and met her over there early this morning. My grandfather greeted me when I arrived and gave me a rake to begin clearing the leaf-covered yard. Yet it seemed as though every time I raked a section clean of leaves, a gust of wind would blow them right back where they came from. The whole pile never blew back completely, thankfully, but many leaves would re-cover the grass I had just worked so hard to reveal. On top if this, the gusting wind would also put newly fallen leaves in flight which all seemed to have a direct path towards where I was working. As frustrating as this may sound, I wasn't upset or angry. I joyfully started raking again and again, and although the lawn never stayed truly leaf-free, it sure as hell wasn't as bad as when we had first started. I knew tomorrow the whole yard would be covered again, as there were still leaves-a-plenty in the ash and sycamore trees in the neighbors yard, yet it didn't matter. I joyfully raked away, momentarily clearing the leaves, placing them in little piles. At one point, an insight struck me like a bolt of lightening, saying this was our job as humans - to joyfully rake the leaves of our lives, knowing fully they will continuously be blown around time and time again. Sure, we may temporarily get a few nice piles, exposing the grass and dirt hiding underneath, yet there will always be a few loose leaves blowing around, and at one point the lawn will be covered completely all over again; it may even be as soon as tomorrow, as I'm sure it will be with my grandparents' house. But I say to you, rake the leaves of your life with joy and don't worry if the pile gets blown away, or if more leaves come falling down. Just keep raking, joyfully, each and every day.

Everything That Arises Passes Away

I had just been reading Toni Bernhard’s newest book, How to Wake Up, when I came across a line I have heard before: everything that arises passes away. As simple and obvious as this statement is, these five words contain an enormous amount of wisdom.  Everything I try to teach and convey through my blog posts, dharma talks, meditation practices, yoga classes, etc., is found in this one short sentence. Whether it is thoughts, feelings, sensations, sounds, plants, animals, people, or planets  - everything that arises passes away. If one were able to truly understand the depth of this message they would be fully and completely liberated from all their suffering.

Suffering comes in many forms, but the unnecessary suffering in life basically comes down to two things: not wanting what we have and not having what we want. For example, we want more money, but don’t have it, or we have anxiety and don’t want it. How can this one sentence possibly save someone from suffering in these examples? Let’s see! Money will come and go. If you have money, having money itself will eventually end; money comes and money goes. I’m sure you have heard of people who were completely loaded who lost everything, and even if you know someone who is filthy rich and only getting richer, this person will eventually pass away. What will their money do for them then? Nothing, except maybe pay for their funeral. Even the desire itself for more money is just something that arises and ceases – a thought that could either be attached to and suffered over, or simply noticed and released. Obviously, I am not saying don’t care about money, or that you don’t need to work hard to make money, but my message is just to know that if you don’t have money, that will change – and vice versa. "Gain" arises and passes away, as does loss. In the case of anxiety, well, there is some good news here too. Anxiety arises, which means that…you guessed it! It will pass away! When you are experiencing anxiety it may seem like it will never go away, or that it never changes, but if you pay attention you will see that the feeling is constantly changing in intensity, and that there are moments in the day where you are not anxious - like when your laughing with a friend, or taking a nice big bite of a hot fudge sundae. Start bringing mindfulness in to your day and notice how all that arises passes away. Dreams end upon waking; lying down changes into standing up, full bladder passes away to empty bladder, etc. Your whole day is full of arising and ceasing. Understanding this fact you won’t get so lost in grasping on to pleasurable experiences or feelings, and you won’t desperately try to escape unpleasant ones. They both pass anyway. So pay attention and relax! It will all pass away. Fully embrace your life right now because this too shall pass! 

Freeing Yourself from Yourself

Over two years ago I read a great article by philosopher Hilary Lawson called Stephen Hawking is Wrong. Lawson claims that scientists such as Hawking put “closures,” on reality as they divide the world into things, explanations, and theories. We mistake these closures for reality itself, losing reality in the process. Lawson explains that:

“…the world is not a thing or a combination of things, for these categories-these closures, as I call them-are the outcome of our descriptions. Instead, the world is open and it is we who close it. Through our closures we grasp the openness of the world as things, and out of these things we build stories and models through which we are able to intervene. But these stories and models are not the world, nor could they in principle come close to being the world.”

Scientists aren’t the only people putting closures on what naturally is open. We too, place a ton of closures on ourselves - believing in our thoughts and judgments of ourselves - rather than experiencing the reality of who we really are. A large part of practicing mindfulness and meditation is about learning to see these closures and practice letting them go. As I tell my clients, friends, and students all the time, we have built a prison in which we are trapped, but the prison door has never been locked; you can step out and be free anytime you wish. We typically don’t step out though because we feel safe and comfortable in our prison, but even the most comfortable prison is still a prison.

How can we step out of this prison? Mindfulness. Mindfulness is the ability you have to be awake regardless of what you are experiencing.  By simply allowing things to be, while bringing clear attention to the moment, you rest in what I call your natural wisdom. Your natural wisdom allows you to fully experience your thoughts, feelings, body sensations, etc., but keeps you protected from them, allowing you to be less overwhelmed and swayed by pleasure and pain. Your freedom lies in seeing your closures and choosing to step away – not through suppression, but through mindful awareness. The prison door is open.  What are you waiting for?        

Working Through Addiction

       An addiction is a strong urge or craving towards a certain habit, behavior, or thinking pattern.  With an addiction, one becomes enslaved to a substance or action that brings about a particular reward, typically – but not always – a euphoric one.  It’s important to understand addictions are not limited only to drugs, alcohol, food, and sex, but can also be found in negative thought patterns, views of oneself, ideas about people, beliefs about life, etc.  The bottom line is most of us have an addiction to something that makes us feel stuck and often times overwhelmed.  This may make it seem as though you will never be free… 

            Although it might seem hopeless it is possible though to work through an addiction of any severity.  By understanding your addiction, and with the help of meditation, mindfulness, supportive friends, and perhaps a therapist/rehab, you can free yourself from the shackles that bind you to your addiction.  In my years of studying my own mind and those of clients/friends with addictions, I have found there to be two main aspects of an addiction that keeps you locked into it’s seductive grips: 1) the feelings you don’t want to feel and 2) the cravings for the feelings you do want to feel.  In most cases, there are certain emotions, thoughts, or feelings that seem too overwhelming or painful to face.  Some examples are: loneliness, emptiness, depression, anxiety, fear, and grief.  When these feelings enter your being it may appear as though they will never go away; as if you will have to experience them for the rest of your life.  This is when the addictive behavior makes sense.  “I don’t like how I feel, and it doesn’t seem like it’s going to just magically go away, so I need to do ­­­­­­___________ to feel better.”  Fill in the blank with your escape method(s).  Although it may feel that certain feelings will never go away, this is in fact a false belief.  Feelings, thoughts, emotions, and sensations come and go throughout the day.  Nothing is ever static, and if you begin to pay attention with mindfulness you will find that everything changes all the time.  Please note, this does not mean that certain feelings or thoughts will not re-occur many times throughout the day, but just that they will come and go like clouds passing through the vast, open sky. 

            For an addict, it’s important to get in touch with these underlying feelings and cravings running the addiction, and learn to have the courage to stay with the discomfort, rather than immediately trying to flee.  Meditation is a useful tool for this as it teaches you to stay with whatever may be happening in the moment in an open and relaxed way.  By continuously facing and allowing these uncomfortable feelings to stay there you are slowly releasing yourself from their powerful grip.  Over a long period of time the feelings will become more manageable and spacious, but don’t expect results overnight.  I faced feelings of emptiness, hopelessness, and anxiety for four out of the five years I have been practicing meditation, until one day it finally decided to dissipate.  I am reminded of The Shawshank Redemption, when Andy Dufresne, after years of scraping pebbles from his prison wall, finally broke through the prison and escaped.  Every time you stay with the discomfort you are scraping a few more pebbles from the prison walls of addiction.  Keep facing the feelings and cravings – feel them fully without acting on them – and you will eventually escape from your personal prison.